Two psychopaths in the daily routine
by Lily Lore
Summary: Tanith and Sanguin are a very strange couple. Have you ever asked yourself how they would behave in the daily routine? Meaning on Christmas, Easter, in a resteraunt or at the vacation. Exactley, the are making a complete chaos.
1. Chapter 1

**Tanith´s Easter surprise:**

Easter was a very funny festivity especially for the children. The problem was that Billy-Ray Sanguin didn´t seem to notice the "for the children"-part. He insisted on hiding eggs - now, that he had somebody he could hide them for. Well, it wouldn´t bother Tanith Low a lot if her friend would just hide eggs for her. Probably she would even be amused about it. The problem was that they didn´t have any eggs. To be precise, even "their" flat didn´t belong to them. They "borrowed" it from a couple who died of mysterious wounds of a razor. Seeing as Sanguin didn´t have eggs, he just decided to hide everything else.

Tanith learned that on the hard tour on Easter morning. Overslept, she got up that morning and first of all shuffled to the fridge to get some milk for the cereal. But there was no milk in the fridge. To be precise, there wasn´t any food in the fridge at all. There were… socks?

"Sweetheart?" Tanith called. "Where´s the milk?"

Sanguin swept in the kitchen and hugged Tanith. Then he stepped back and explained."It´s hidden of course. Happy Easter, Darling."

Tanith sighed. "Okay, if the clothes are in the fridge then the milk is in the clothes basket."

Sanguin grinned. "Come on, that would be far too easy."

Tanith covered her eyes with her hand in a desperate gesture.

It took nearly twenty minutes to find the milk (it laid behind the TV) and another ten minutes for the cereal (in her locker_)._ By then, Tanith was halfway awake, but not happier in any way.

It rang at the door and Tanith stood up and went to the door with a little frown. Who could it be? Friends or family of the flat´s property owners? She looked through the door viewer and cursed. There was a whole army of Cleavers out there.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!"She murmured while she rushed into the bedroom to get her things. But they were gone.

"Where´s my damned sword?" She called, panicking.

"Hidden." Sanguin answered in a disoriented way. "Darling, what´s going on?"

"Hidden?"

The door flew open with a _bang_ and the Cleavers stormed in. Sanguin cursed and drew his razor. Tanith ducked her head under a blow of a scythe and bellowed."Where is my sword?"

Sanguin´s razor slid into the gap between helmet and armor of one of the cleavers and answered, "But that would spoil the surprise."

"Billy-Ray Sanguin!"

"Okay, okay… it´s in the oven."

"What?!"

But then there was that scythe again. She jumped over it and rushed into the kitchen. Tanith dragged her sword out of the oven -she would _kill_ Sanguin if they survived that- and parried the scythe, which came at her again. She swung her sword in a circle forcing the cleavers to back off. Then she searched for her Texan friend with her eyes. "Billy-Ray? Time to go!"

He looked to her and nodded. Then he kicked the cleaver before him in the chest. The Cleaver stumbled backwards and Sanguin used the chance to slink back to the wall behind him. He laid his fingers on it and cracks formed. Then he sank in it and stepped out behind Tanith. She took his hand and they both sank in the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**Weirdos in a restaurant:**

Today the guest in the most expensive restaurant in the whole area had something to stare at. A woman clothed in leather and a man with sunglasses and Cowboy-shoes had just arrived and ordered the best table. They looked completely out of place, but they didn´t seem to bother. They sat very carelessly on their chairs and the woman looked at the menu. Then she turned to her companion. "That´s all in France. I can´t speak France, can you tell me, how I shall read that?"

He answered with a Texan accent. "You shouldn´t understand it, you should buy it, Darling. Why should they care if its taste or not. I didn´t understand anyway, what we´re doing here. That´s definitely not my favorite place to be."

"Billy-Ray, really, do you have to be such cynical?" His friend criticized."Hey, we could ask the waiter."

Billy-Ray looked to the server and raised an eyebrow. "The penguin? Well, if you wanted, Tanith."

Tanith looked back at the menu and grinned. "Look, there´s something that I actually understand: Steak. I don´t know what "tatar" means, but who´s interested in that. And what do you want?"

Her friend just shrugged and started to play with the flame of the candle before him. "I couldn´t care less. Just give me the same."

Tanith orders and then looked stern at Billy-Ray who still played with the candle. "Stop that! In the end, you set something on fire."

But he just sighed and it looks like he rolled his eyes behind his glasses. "Sweetie, I´m no kid anymore."

At this moment the server appeared with the salad. Billy-Ray poked unenthusiastic in it, while Tanith nearly gulped it all down at once. The bored Texan started playing with the candle again. In doing so, he accidently knocked down the small flask filled with oil which the waiter had brought together with the salad. He cursed under his breath, put the flask back to its old place and covered the spill of oil with a napkin. His friend just rolled her eyes.

Then the server was back clearing away the salad and laid plates with silver covers before them. Tanith put the cover away and starred down at the food which appeared under it. It didn´t has the slightest similarity with steak. Tanith looked back at the server and asked. "What´s that?"

"Steak Tatar." he twanged.

Tanith sniffed at her minced meat. "That´s not Steak!"

Billy-Ray chuckled. "Maybe you should have learned France before going in this restaurant."

Tanith glared at him. "Very funny. Come on, we are going."

She rose and he followed her with a relieved smile."Wonderful idea."

But as Billy-Ray passed their table, he accidently knocked down the candle. Immediately the fire started to spread. He cursed and reached for it, but then it arrived the nap which was covering the oil. The fire burned up high enough that everyone could see it. Immediately all guest started panicking.

"Oh hell." Billy-Ray murmured while everyone around him was running to the exits.

He took hold on Tanith´s arm and they both sank in the ground.

A few minutes later they stood with the other guest before the ruins of the best restaurant in the whole area. The firemen still did their best to save what they could, but there wasn´t much left.

"Congratulation." Tanith said sarcastic.

Billy-Ray actual looked a bit embarrassed. "It was an accident. Besides, it wasn´t a very good restaurant, was it? They will rebuild it and hopefully they will make better steaks then."

Tanith laughed."That´s an argument. So, do you accompany me to the McDonalds down the street?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Two Reviews already. And I´m really sorry for all language mistakes, but as a German I´m not soooo good in English. But I do my best, promise.**

**Texas:**

Tanith pulled her sword out of the last one of the Cleavers who attacked her and looked around in the café. A cynic would describe it as a battlefield. An optimist… probably too. There aren´t that many words to describe a room where everywhere laid corpses and which bottom was daubed with blood.

"You know, I think the Irish sanctuary had found out that we hide in Berlin." a voice with a Texan accent said behind her. Tanith turned to the speaker. Billy-Ray Sanguine wiped his razor clean at the cloth of one of his victims.

"How you figured that out?" grinned Tanith at him. Then she began to sulk. "They have ruined my favorite café."

Sanguine put his arm on her shoulder."We find you a new one. The best cafés are in Texas anyway."

Tanith rolled her eyes."You say that about everything. You even claim that the sun is a better one in Texas."

He nodded."It´s a warmer one."

Tanith hit her forehead with her hand apparently agonized."Where were you again as you went through astrology in school?"

Sanguine shrugged. "I´m not sure. Probably killing someone."

"That would explain a lot." murmured Tanith

"I ignore that."

"So you want to dig the whole way to Texas to drink some coffee over there?" she asked disbelieving.

Again he just shrugged."And to sit in the sun."

Tanith groaned and closed her eyes. Sanguin looked at her bewildered."Everything ok with you?"

"I count to ten." She explained him."I´ve heard that would help against anger."

Sanguine nodded and silenced for two seconds. Then he asked."And does it?"

Tanith spun around."It would maybe if I could count to the _end_."

"In Texas…" began Sanguine.

"Don´t say it!"

"You don´t even know what I wanted to say."

"I can imagine it."

"Do you have something against Texas?"

Tanith sighed."Will you understand what I mean if I go to that wall over there and knock my head against it?"

"Texans are Champions in non-verbal communication."

She took a deep breath."You know that Texas is the part of America where the most people are killed by death penalty?"

Sanguine raised an eyebrow. "And why do you think that would interest me? Just in case you forgot it, I´m a Psychopath. And by the way, at least we Texan never tried to end the world."

He had a point. "Texas is the land where the fattest people live."

He looked at her offended."And England is the land where the most underfeed people live."

Tanith raised an eyebrow."Not as far as I know."

Sanguine hesitated a moment."Okay, you´re right, probably not. But theoretical it could be."

Tanith rolled her eyes and pushed him away."You´re such an idiot."

Sanguine laughed and put his hands around her waist. "Hey, come on, don´t be mad. You´re completely right, not everything in Texas is better. For example the women: England definitely much better with them if it have you."

Now Tanith laughed too and bend for to kiss him, then she heard the sirens. She looked up and said. "It seemed to be time to go."

Sanguine nodded and took her hand. "Let's find you a new café."

And they sank into the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for sending the wrong chapter last time, I have corrected myself. As an compensation here is another one.**

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**Mirror Maze:**

At first Tanith had thought it would be funny to go to the county fair in Houston. Of course Sanguine had accompanied her and the ride with the roller coaster actually was hilarious, but now that they were standing in the line of the mirror maze, she started to doubt the Wisdom of her decision.

"You think the guy is appealing, ain´t you?" Sanguine insisted while watching a black-haired young man before them.

"Billy-Ray, you don´t kill him!" Tanith hissed.

"You have a crush on him, I just know it." Sanguine moaned. "You gonna leave me for him."

"Honey, really", she sighed. "Don´t exaggerate something which isn´t even there. You can´t kill every attractive men in striking distance."

"So you think he´s attractive, I knew it."

"Billy-Ray!"

At last they reached the end of the line and Tanith rushed into the maze full of anticipation. The anticipation vanished as she banged against the nearest mirror. Sanguine did his best to hide his laugh.

"Very skilled." He commented.

"Shut up!" Tanith snarled.

She got her revenge as her friend ran headlong against another mirror and fall down ungracefully. While she shook with laughter, her friend raised and went to the mirror.

"Damn thing." He murmured.

Then he laid his hand on it and Tanith saw how cracks spread from his fingers.

"Hey, cheating isn´t allowed." She berated.

He raised his hands as if to capitulate. "Okay, okay."

As she turned around Tanith saw out of the corner of her eyes how Sanguine kicked at the mirror.

But in the end the mirror maze seemed to be too much for them – even if Tanith would never admit it. Anyway, in the end they cheated a bit to be honest. To be completely honest, there probably wasn´t a mirror in the maze without cracks on it after Tanith and Sanguine came out again. Tanith considered staying and getting a glimpse of the face of the maze owner, but Sanguine´s excited "once again" changed her mind and she hauled him to the Ferris wheel. They didn´t have to make the maze collapse on their first day here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you ShegoRulz for all the reviews. I hope you´ll like the next chapters as much as the last.**

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**Lido:**

Some things are hard to do if you don´t have eyes. With magic you can find a remedy for most of them for example for your sight, but even magic has its limits. On account of that Billy-Ray Sanguin stood with bathing trunks and sunglasses in the middle of the biggest swimming pool of a lido. He looked very sheepish while the people around him starred at him like he was a kind of alien.

"I feel so silly." He snarled.

"Well, you´re definitely looking that way." confirmed Tanith Low who was standing beneath him.

"Thanks."

"We probably should do something to distract you." Tanith went on. "How about high diving?"

Sanguin raised an eyebrow. "Can you tell me how I should dive with glasses on?"

"I could strap them to the back of your head."

"Don´t you dare!"

"Or you could wear diver eyeglasses. _Pink_ diver eyeglasses."

"Very funny."

"Then just take off the sunglasses."

Sanguin raised his other eyebrow, too. "Of course, if that wouldn´t result in an agitation. Well, except you would distract the people around here."

"Are you shy?"

"You´re making fun of me!"

"How you figured that out?"

Sanguin crossed his arms and started sulking. Tanith grinned and put her arms around him.

"Hey, don´t sulk!" she murmured. "I know something to cheer you up."

Just as she bent foreword to kiss him a small boy walked by, pointed at Sanguin and shouted, "You look so silly."

Sanguin spun around, but Tanith held him. "You´re not killing him!"

"He deserves it!" Sanguin snarled. "I´ve got my razor here."

"You took your razor to the lido?"

"You´ve taken you sword with you, too."

"Yeah, but that´s…" Tanith started, but then she stopped and frowned. "Wait a moment, how you found that out?"

"The bulged in our back was a very clearly clue."

"Oh." Tanith responded apathetically. "Anyway, you don´t kill the boy!"

"Why not?"

"It will raise attention."

Sanguin raised his eyebrows again. "I´m a guy with sunglasses standing in the middle of a pool in a lido, I´ll probably be in the banner headlines tomorrow."

Tanith had to laugh. "All the same."

He nodded. "Okay, I don't kill him, but only if we go now and don´t return before Sunday."

"But the lido is closed on Sunday."

"Exactly."

Tanith thought about that. "That´s a deal."

As they went back to their things Sanguin asked her. "And what do we do now?"

She shrugged. "Don´t know… sauna?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow, so much reviews. Sorry, that I stopped writing here so long, but I always have to transalte my stories (in german there are already 30 chapters) and that gets annoying. Plus I have to write on my german Stories at the same time. But I´ll try to do all together. And thanks for the suggestions for more stories I always need new ideas.**

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**In a Strangers Country**

Tanith ducked under the hard blow and kicked her attacker in the stomach. As he collapsed she cut his throat with her sword. Beneath her Sanguine just threw another guy over a small wall. Then he pierced his companion with a plug.

"Sanguine, that´s not a vampire." Tanith shouted.

He looked at his opponent more closely and nodded. "All right." Then he threw him over the wall, too.

Tanith decapitated the last one of their assaulters and looked around. "Wow that was harder than I´d thought."

Now Sanguine, too, looked around at the ruins of the city they stand in. "Look, there is a shop which´s still standing. Maybe we find some better weapons in there."

Together they stepped in the shop and looked around. There were actually a few weapons in there which were worth a second look. Tanith changed her middle-rate sword against a far better one and then looked over to Sanguine.

He didn´t seem very happy. "There aren´t any razors."

Tanith rolled her eyes. "Wow, I would never have guessed that_._ After all, every good weapon-shop has to _have_ razors!"

"You can stop being sarcastic every moment now."

Tanith grinned. "I like being sarcastic. Oh come on, just take something else!"

Sanguine sighed and took a diamond-decorated dagger which seemed to be poised. They left the shop and Tanith nearly expected an attack, but everything remains still.

"I´m hungry." Sanguine complained. "You think, there´s a McDonalds anywhere near here?"

Tanith looked around in the ruins. "You know, I have some problems to believe that. But hopefully there will be a few battles soon, I´m bored."

And, as if they had heard her, suddenly masses of vampires, zombies and knights flowed in the streets before them. Beaming with delight Tanith threw herself into the fight. She cut her sword through throats, limbs and organs. It was a while she had so much fun. Of course she got a few bruises, too, but nothing to speak of. In the end only two of her attackers were still standing. Tanith beheaded one of them, but as she walked to the second Sanguin appeared behind him and rammed the dagger in his heart.

"Hey!" Tanith complained. "That was mine!"

Sanguine shrugged. "Well, you were to slow. Come on, don´t make such a drama out of that."

"I make a drama out of it?"

She lifted her sword over her head and slowly walked to Sanguine. He looked at her in horror. "Tanith? Tanith, what are you doing. Tanith!"

With a wide swing Tanith dashed her sword at him and he dogged just in time. He lifted his dagger to drag it over her shoulder, but Tanith parried. Then she did a somersault over his head and attacked her friend from behind. He tried to spill, but was too slow and her sword found its way to his heart…

He looked in shock at her and his red life indicator above his head lost its color. He threw his game controller away and glared at Tanith. "You killed me!"

"You took my attacker away!"

"You – **killed** –me!"

"It´s just a game. Come on, don´t make such a drama out of that."

Sanguine crossed his arms. "I never play any computer game with you ever again!"


End file.
